A sucker born every minute

Netflix brings back P.T. Barnum/Jake Paul

History tells us that Phineaus Taylor Barnum passed away on an April day in 1891 in scenic Bridgeport, Connecticut, only it doesn’t feel like he ever left us. If you take a look around at what’s out there on TV and elsewhere, you know, the kinds of things that what we seem to hear about every single day, it’s hard to imagine that Barnum didn’t help us think of any of this. I think he’d be hurt.

For example, Barnum probably would have been pissed that he missed out on Saturday night’s Netflix Mixed Martial Arts MVP Spectacular, particularly the remarkable Main Event featuring Rowdy Ronda Rousey - at least, I think it was her, you had to look quickly - and somebody named Gina Carano.
It was the kind of epic, indescribable showdown that, uh, well, was hard to find words for. Carano, we were told, dropped some 100 pounds in preparing for this epic showdown, weighing in for Saturday’s “clash” at a tidy 141.4 pounds.

P.T. Barnum’s array of physiological freaks back in those days. He could add to the list.

So, at some point, Carano was over 240 pounds and probably didn’t shop in the petite section. This would make her a perfect match for Rowdy Ronda Rousey, right? The last few times Rowdy Ronda was in a ring or octagon, were not pleasant. One fight went two rounds and she was knocked out. The next one, she got KO’d in the first. If Rowdy Ronda was going to get back into a ring or octagon, she needed something to lure her as well as “an opponent” - someone who would very likely collapse pretty quickly if struck. The quicker, the better.

The 17-second Rousey-Carano "bout" would have delighted P.T. Barnum

Faced with an offer of $2,200,000.00 (at least!) and some suggest she might earn as much as 15 million, (why would they ever exaggerate?) Rowdy Ronda was able to overcome whatever hesitation she might have had and trained vigorously (at least when the cameras were on) for this epic 17-second showdown. She won and retired. Or so she promised.

Agreed, there are those who might suggest it’s impolite to discuss a woman’s weight but Barnum, or his modern-day reincarnation YouTube General Jake Paul would demur. (That means disagree, Jake.) If, in 2026, if a stunt like that gets people tuning in - Carano hadn’t fought (except for the scale) in 17 years, why, of course, I’m watching an event like this. That’s where we are right now.

Barnum, if nothing else, taught us that, didn’t he? Remember his idea of sewing the top half of a monkey to the bottom of a fish - “The Feejee Mermaid?” Or his diminutive “General Tom Thumb,” all 25-inches of him? Or the 10-foot-tall “Cardiff Giant” a statue that he said was a petrified man? He would have fit right in on Netflix. Maybe I need to pitch them?

There wasn’t anybody talking about eating the cats and dogs but he was overseas, I think. There will be a MMA event coming up at 1600 Pennsylvania soon, so hope springs eternal.

Saturday night’s setting, the Intuit Dome in Inglewood, California, was, at it always is these days for these events, spectacular. Bright blue spotlights flashing all over the sell-out crowd, the audience all lit up (or half-lit, probably the same thing), the camera couldn’t help but promise excitement. Why, David Spade was in the house, I mean, what else do you need to know.

As the “fights” themselves, well, Admiral Paul, our matchmaker/promoter/finger-on-the-pulse-of-America, might have outdone himself. There were five “bouts” in all and every single last one of them ended in the very first round.

Most, of course, longer than 17 seconds. This meant an evening of mostly interviews or shots of Rousey laying on her back in the dressing room or Carano dancing with her husband or some such filler until a poor soul climbed into the octagon (the shape may have thrown some of them) and got himself or herself walloped.

According to the Internet (why would they exaggerate?) The four other top competitors on Saturday’s show — Nate Diaz ($500,000), Mike Perry ($400,000), former UFC heavyweight champion Francis Ngannou ($1,500,000) and Philipe Lins ($100,000) — each earned six- or seven-figure purses for their appearances. Each “worked” less than a round.

Summing the evening up, Paul could only offer a sentence that his mentor would have heartily approved of. It probably made him laugh wherever he is.

“Thank God,” Paul said, “for all those first-round knockouts.”

The man is full of mercy, isn’t he?

Author John Nogowski is embarked into his third year of a just-about-daily Substack. He’s written nine books, including the forthcoming “Neil Young: A Descriptive, Critical Discography and Filmography,” three editions of a previous volume on Bob Dylan - “Bob Dylan: A Descriptive, Critical Discography and Filmography,” two books on baseball - “Diamond Duels” and “Last Time Out” - his son is a former major-leaguer, and is at work on a book about Bruce Springsteen. His books are available on Amazon.