Polonius: Some free advice!

How seriously should we take Hamlet's comic character?

William Shakespeare’s protagonist in Hamlet, the Prince himself, has been the subject of study ever since the play debuted at London’s Globe Theater in or around 1600. He’s a fascinating, well-developed character, expected to deliver more lines (approx. 4,000) than any other actor in any of his plays. Many of our greatest actors have found the role daunting, challenging, possibly career-changing.

Hamlet is fascinating, sure. But it’s another character, Polonius, who has also intrigued me. He has some of Shakespeare’s most memorable lines, figures in some pivotal scenes in the play but generally speaking, once the play ends, he isn’t someone you end up talking about.

Polonius (Ian Holm) makes a lengthy point to Queen Gertrude and King Claudius

I think we should. The nosey, meddlesome advisor to King Claudius, father of Ophelia and Laertes, is a busybody, a know-it-all, a well-meaning but naive father, the kind of “yes” man every dictatorial type seems to find.

How are we to take him? Queen Gertrude tells him to knock off the BS "(More matter and less art”) Hamlet calls him “a foolish, prating knave” (a phrase that makes me think of a few of my former editors.) King Claudius calls him “honorable and faithful.”

And there’s the line I used with my classes, hey, kids, here’s how you know that this is fiction. Polonius orders Ophelia to stop seeing Hamlet and she immediately answers “I will obey, my lord.” My, how times have changed. But which one is right? Which one is the real Polonius?

His role has drawn all sorts of actors. My personal favorite is Ian Holm, who played Polonius brilliantly in Franco Zeffirelli’s “Hamlet.” There have been many others and consider this: in a modern adaptation of the play, done in 2000, Polonius was played by none other than Bill Murray. Really.

As the play opens, we see Laertes, Polonius’s son, asking permission from King Claudius to go to France. As he starts to leave, Polonius hurriedly launches into one of Shakespeare’s most quoted speeches, trying to give his son five years of advice in five minutes. Watch the film clip: (Translation into modern English below)

ADVICE TO HIS SON

Polonius (Ian Holm) delivers all sorts of advice to Laertes (Nathaniel Parker) as he leaves.

(Modern translation) You’re still here, Laertes? Board the ship, hurry up! The ship is ready to embark and they are waiting for you! Take this; I’m leaving you with my blessings for a safe voyage. And, as well as that, remember these few principles – take note. Don’t let your thoughts be known, or any inappropriate act be done. Be friendly with people but respectable, not common and vulgar. Tie your closest and truest friends to your soul with steel chains, But don’t just let any stranger be one of your close friends. Be wary about entering into a fight, but if you do end up in one, make sure your opponent is more worried about you than you are of him. Listen to everyone, but speak your thoughts to few. Listen to how others criticize, but reserve your own judgement of others. Dress as well as you can afford, but don’t be a show off. Look respectable, not pompous, because the clothing of a man often tells the viewer a lot about the man. Don’t lend money or borrow it, for it will make you worse at managing your life. This is what is most important: Be true to yourself, and what will follow (as surely as the night follows the day) will be your honor and truth to those around you. Goodbye. By blessings go with you!

Sounds reasonable. Keep your thoughts to yourself, be friendly with respectable people. Treasure your friends but be wary of strangers. Don’t get in a fight but if you do, win. Listen to all, reserve your judgment of others. Dress well but don’t be a showoff. Neither a borrower or lender be. Be true to yourself.

Polonius’s advice may seem a bit overbearing but overall, it’s not bad, is it? Some Shakespearean scholars think it’s just nonsense, that Shakespeare’s going out of his way to make him look like a fool. We might both be right.

POLONIUS GREETS HAMLET IN THE LIBRARY

One of the great comic scenes in the play — as serious as the play is, there are some absolutely hilarious moments — and this is one of my favorites. As Hamlet’s puzzling behavior of late raises the curiosity of the King and Queen, Polonius tries to do some research on his own, visiting Hamlet in the library.

Hamlet, always a step ahead, is expecting him. When Polonius enters with “Do you know me, my lord?” Hamlet comes back with “Indeed, You are a fishmonger.” (Someone who sells fish! An INSULT!)

And it goes from there. Obviously, Hamlet knows who he is, he’s the No. 2 guy in the kingdom, and Hamlet is dating (and probably fooling around with) his daughter, Ophelia. So when Hamlet wryly asks if he has a daughter (knowing, of course, he does) he tells Polonius “Conception is a blessing…” which, of course, is ironic. If Ophelia conceives, it’ll be Hamlet’s kid! The more they try to converse, Hamlet leaves Polonius more confused than when he first came in. A wonderful scene.

Hamlet, who’s probably sleeping with his daughter, reminds him pregnancy is a blessing.

As we know, Polonius’s nosey nature — we see him spying on Hamlet throughout the play — indirectly kills him in the end. He’s gossiping with Gertrude when he hears Hamlet approaching and decides to hide behind an arras to listen in. Bad call. An angry Hamlet — his play has just proven Claudius murdered his father — senses someone is hiding behind the arras. Thinking it is Claudius, he runs the shape through with his sword. Instead, it’s Polonius!

We’re all shocked, of course. When Hamlet heads to the King to break the bad news, he dragged Polonius’s body behind him and left the body under the stairs. After a dramatic, defiant and disrespectful entrance —(In the Mel Gibson version, Hamlet leaps up on a table!) Shakespeare is not done using Polonius for a few more laughs.

King Claudius asks “Where is Polonius? Hamlet replies: “At supper.”

Claudius, playing the straight man, asks “At supper where?”

In answering, Hamlet finds a way to continue insulting the king… “Not where he eats, but where he is eaten…A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm…Nothing but to show you how a king may progress through the guts of a beggar.”

The king repeats “Where is Polonius,” and Hamlet gives a delightfully defiant response: “In heaven. Send hither to see. If your messenger find him not there, seek him i’ th’ other place yourself”

In other words, King Claudius, “Go to Hell.”

Keeping in mind this was written in 1600 when nobody dared talk to a king like that, Shakespeare must have vicariously loved having a character dressing down a king. Elizabethan audiences must have loved that, too.

So, was Polonius there to illustrate how someone as full of himself (only Claudius exceeds him) was bound to be disastrous for the country and for the both he and the king — and by extension, their subjects? Their interactions set up everything, don’t they?

Could we carry that theorem over into our current political times? Well, it does kind of seem that way, doesn’t it?

Some may wonder how Shakespeare’s plays, written so long ago, always seem so pertinent, so relevant, despite the passage of so many years. He deeply understood human nature, which never really seems to change. Particularly in regard to people in power.

Just as there always seems to be that would-be leader intent on never having his commands questioned, there also always seems to be a Polonius, a “yes” man (or woman) who’ll try to make everything happen exactly as the boss wants, regardless of whether or not it’s lawful or for the good of the country. We can think of many current Polonius’s, can’t we?

In Shakespeare’s brilliant play Hamlet, Polonius does give us a lot of laughs. In real life, well, not so much.